My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
God gave him joint rollers for hands
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
