Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
