quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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