I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
