I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
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her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
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Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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