Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
