ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
