He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
