That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
