Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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