im about as happy as oj after his trial
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
