I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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