Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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