i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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