Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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