I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
