ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
