She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
