goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
