I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Found the puke drawer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
