I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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