I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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