just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
