you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
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Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize