Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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