Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
