I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
