Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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