Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
