we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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