Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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