apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
