So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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