Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
