Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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