what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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