Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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