Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
