I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
