Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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