chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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