I'm jealous of your bromance
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
