I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
