I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
