last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
