dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
