Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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