Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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