now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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