Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
