I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
