so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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