I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
