I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
