Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think my vagina is haunted
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
