cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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