I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
