You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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