Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
