I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Holy shit dude........stairs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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