Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
