someone threw a dead crab at me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
