I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Who wears a wallet chain?!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
