I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
