In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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