I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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