He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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